10 Things I'd Say to Myself Before Going to College (After Finishing Freshman Year)

I don't want this to become a blog about me living at college, but at this point a post here and there is inevitable. I even live here over the summer. It's basically my life now.

Anyway, now that I've finished my first year, there are some things I would definitely tell my freshly-graduated self last summer.

1. Spend more time with your friends before you leave for college.
2. But, don’t worry about the people you wished you would have become friends with when you were at school. Don’t try to salvage anything. The drifting apart is inevitable, and you’re going to meet new amazing people. It’s okay.
3. The tattoo is going to hurt, but you get used to it. Don’t be scared.
4. Look for scholarships and actually apply! Making a list of scholarships that you are eligible for and then never going through with it is not enough!
5. Write, practice, and perform as much as you can. You’re not going to have as much free time as you anticipate, and you’re going to miss it. A lot.
6. Harvest what you can from missing him, as far as for writing and music, but seriously, you’re done. Every thought of “but maybe we can try again” is a lie. You left for a reason.
7. You find someone new in the summer anyway.
8. Appreciate being in the worship team at church. You’re going to miss it.
9. Don’t be afraid of college. You make friends—really good ones—and the classes are really interesting.
10. I know I can’t stop you, because even when you know better you still do it, but I have to at least try to tell you not to procrastinate. It’ll kill you.

When I read back through this, everything has the same message ringing behind it: don’t wait. Don’t wait to hang out with the friends you love. Don’t wait to move on. Don’t wait to seek opportunities. Don’t wait to chase the person you want to be. Don’t wait to pursue what you love and to pursue happiness. But also, don’t be afraid to take your time and enjoy everything around you while it’s still there. There is a fine balance between seizing the day and rushing past your life.

"The devil's greatest weapon is not convincing us there is no God, but that we have plenty of time." —C. S. Lewis

Hi Again (long breaks are awkward, aren't they?)

I am back. Hi, hello.

Not that anyone was really waiting for my return, but it's nice to pretend.

See, there's that negative voice again, saying that all of this is useless, keeping me from writing, from posting.

Yeah. Part of it was that I was in school, and didn't make time to write (I'm sure I could have, but that's just one more thought to beat myself up over, so let's not think about it). And the other part is that voice. The pressure. Even though no one's there, I'm still intimidated by the fact that it's been so long. I should come back with something good, right? Or maybe I shouldn’t come back at all. Maybe it’s all pointless and no one reads blogs anymore anyway.

Well I'll just fix that problem by guaranteeing that it won't be good.

My philosophy has always been that, when in doubt, be transparent, since that's what I like to see in others—people who are genuine, not fake.

So hi. I do plan to post again. I have a lot of plans for what I want to write on here. But I've been too scared to break the silence. Yes, nonsense, I know.

What plans do I have?

I'll probably tell something of experiencing my first year of college.

Waste disposal, minimizing waste, and using eco-friendly products have been on my mind a lot for the past year, so expect something on that. Or multiple things. Many much things.

I'm considering writing about artists and albums—not necessarily reviews, but more to bring more attention to little-known bands and people that I think are cool.

Of course I'll still post original work—poetry, prose, nonsense. So do expect that.

I wasn’t really thinking when I wrote the subtitle of this page, but you really can expect those three aspects of me on here—a musician, a writer, and a tree-hugger.

I've always written on here with a mindset similar to what I see on YouTube: not strictly sticking to one subject. That's why I love the tagging feature that can be put on posts. To me it seems similar to a YouTuber starting a series or making a playlist. It’s a way to organize the mess, and a way to find more of a kind should someone read something they like.

As always, my intentions for this blog are to inspire, express, and cultivate creativity in myself and hopefully others. I want to leave people feeling something, thinking something new, or even confused. I never want to get too informational or advice-y. That's what Buzzfeed and all those other websites are for (you know, “Top 10 Ways to…” “How To…” “Seven Things You Didn’t Know About…”).

As always, thank you for reading my jumbled and scattered thoughts. Thank you for making it to the end of this, if you did. And please feel free to interact with me in the comments—what you liked, and suggestions, just saying hi.

Did I mention I'm still at school? Yeah, I got a job here.  We work really hard, can't you tell?

"To write something you have to risk making a fool of yourself" –Anne Rice 

Dusk (poem)

Dusk

The sky is pink with reminiscence of the sunset,

the clouds still holding on to the last rays of light,

refusing to let the darkness of night take over just yet.

The pond below does little to reflect the sky’s last echoes.

Unmoving, the water stares back at me like a black hole.

Maybe the clouds are doing this on purpose: staying put

in protective stubbornness, trying

to keep me safe.

It is still warm for autumn, and

above me, the trees are green and full.

Leaves crunch under my feet, regardless.

I don’t know where they came from,

these dead appendages that litter the ground.

There are monsters out here,

I hear the clouds say overhead.

We don’t want them to come out.

To my right I can hear something moving in the water.

But the tall grasses don’t rustle; the pond’s surface doesn’t ripple.

Though I hear crickets and katydids all around me—above me—

and the familiar screams of the cicadas, I see no signs of life

down here.

I know that the full moon is tonight.

I came looking for it, craving to feel its pale light

once more on my skin, holding it in my palms.

Across the water, I see the highest branches

swaying and pulsing together in a breeze

that doesn’t reach me. Here, at the pond’s edge,

I feel no wind; the finely drawn silhouettes

of young branches, just above my head, remain

still, dark against the dim lilac sheet

splayed out above them, doing its best

to shoo the shadows away.

But even as the day persists and lingers,

I still pursue these shapes and shadows

that begin to come out of hiding

once the sun sets. And, it seems that

they’re calling me, too.

~10/5/17 (that night) – 2/8/18 (finished)

These were taken that night. I tried to capture it, but only had my phone for a camera.
Needless to say, I felt that words did a much better job.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave any comments below :)

Also, yes, this piece was started in October, and is the finished products of one of my many "Inktober" pieces that I've finally polished up and finished.

"And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul." –John Muir