Responsibility

Every now and again I get in this I-don't-want-to-do-anything, I-hate-making-decisions mood and just want to exist in a black hole or some other void (just me?). So here's a little something I wrote just before going into college about the wonderful opportunity that we have to create our own lives and why we shouldn't fear our futures.

Responsibility.

It shouldn’t be something we shy away from or fear. It’s a sign of being an individual; it’s proof that you can think and exist independently. It’s freedom, really. Life is like a blank canvas. I’m so scared to put paint down, but the thing is, a good piece of art takes time. It takes drafts, sketches, experimenting, and layers. Surely, the privilege to create my own life, despite the tremendous responsibility that it is, is far better than letting someone else write my story.

Responsibility is in little things. You know, those little things that are actually huge aspects of your life. I love the saying “be responsible for your own peace.” Taking time for silence is so important. We shouldn’t feel pressure to always be busy. Don’t feel guilty for slowing down and taking time to find your peace.* For some, this is prayer. For others, it may be a walk, meditation, or any other form of introspective silence. This modern world puts so much emphasis on busyness. React, react, react. It’s what we’re conditioned to always be doing. In this mindset, peace and silence can be uncomfortable. We can’t be bored. That’s why we have fidget spinners.

J. K. Rowling said, “Be ruthless in protecting writing days.” In the same way, be ruthless in protecting your peace, your practices, even your soul.

Responsibility for your own self is like a project. You have to be constantly building upon yourself and caring for yourself. For example, health is a long-term project affected by the foods we eat, our lifestyle, and our choices. All of our time is time for working on this project of becoming who we want to be—who we’re meant to be.

Of course, I’m not saying a tremendous amount of time needs to be spent on this. Maybe some only need a little time, while remaining conscious of their choices throughout the day. It’s a little weird for me because I want to be my own product, my own work. I not only should work on myself as a person, but I need to work on myself as a writer and as a musician. In this regard, I have been extremely irresponsible. I’ve been foolish. This construction piece can’t grow without work, obviously. It’s amazing how we push the obvious things out of our minds.

I know the satisfaction in creating something physical and being able to stand back and look at it. Even working on these pieces is fun. Yet, I’m not so eager to work on myself. I suppose I need more patience, to keep remembering my goals, and to enjoy the process.

*This is a big theme in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

“It’s a beautiful day / Don’t let it get away” —U2

Thank you so much for reading! If this made you think or have any other thoughts on the subject, feel free to start a conversation in the comments!