Responsibility

Every now and again I get in this I-don't-want-to-do-anything, I-hate-making-decisions mood and just want to exist in a black hole or some other void (just me?). So here's a little something I wrote just before going into college about the wonderful opportunity that we have to create our own lives and why we shouldn't fear our futures.

Responsibility.

It shouldn’t be something we shy away from or fear. It’s a sign of being an individual; it’s proof that you can think and exist independently. It’s freedom, really. Life is like a blank canvas. I’m so scared to put paint down, but the thing is, a good piece of art takes time. It takes drafts, sketches, experimenting, and layers. Surely, the privilege to create my own life, despite the tremendous responsibility that it is, is far better than letting someone else write my story.

Responsibility is in little things. You know, those little things that are actually huge aspects of your life. I love the saying “be responsible for your own peace.” Taking time for silence is so important. We shouldn’t feel pressure to always be busy. Don’t feel guilty for slowing down and taking time to find your peace.* For some, this is prayer. For others, it may be a walk, meditation, or any other form of introspective silence. This modern world puts so much emphasis on busyness. React, react, react. It’s what we’re conditioned to always be doing. In this mindset, peace and silence can be uncomfortable. We can’t be bored. That’s why we have fidget spinners.

J. K. Rowling said, “Be ruthless in protecting writing days.” In the same way, be ruthless in protecting your peace, your practices, even your soul.

Responsibility for your own self is like a project. You have to be constantly building upon yourself and caring for yourself. For example, health is a long-term project affected by the foods we eat, our lifestyle, and our choices. All of our time is time for working on this project of becoming who we want to be—who we’re meant to be.

Of course, I’m not saying a tremendous amount of time needs to be spent on this. Maybe some only need a little time, while remaining conscious of their choices throughout the day. It’s a little weird for me because I want to be my own product, my own work. I not only should work on myself as a person, but I need to work on myself as a writer and as a musician. In this regard, I have been extremely irresponsible. I’ve been foolish. This construction piece can’t grow without work, obviously. It’s amazing how we push the obvious things out of our minds.

I know the satisfaction in creating something physical and being able to stand back and look at it. Even working on these pieces is fun. Yet, I’m not so eager to work on myself. I suppose I need more patience, to keep remembering my goals, and to enjoy the process.

*This is a big theme in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

“It’s a beautiful day / Don’t let it get away” —U2

Thank you so much for reading! If this made you think or have any other thoughts on the subject, feel free to start a conversation in the comments!

Finishing Things and Learning Lessons

Recently I finished an entire notebook that I started using as a journal about two years ago. I’m not much of a journal-er, as is evident in the fact that it took me two years to fill it. However it was really fun, and it feels pretty good to have covered every page with my own words. Since this was the first time I had finished a notebook, and the first time that I used a notebook for one purpose the whole way through, my last entry was a bit of a conclusion to the whole thing, and it’s something that I want to share.

Last page in my notebook!

"End of an Era (I sometimes titled my entries)

    " Well, it looks like this is the last entry in this book. What a journey. I guess it’s been two years. I feel very different and like nothing has changed all at the same time. Anyway, I just wanted to note some lessons along the way.

1. My intuition was right. There was something wrong with my brain (Dythemia).*
2. I am a-okay on my own—don’t need to have a group/clique, don’t need to be afraid to ditch the kids I had been stuck with in classes for so long.
3. Don’t underestimate love. Yes, it’s wonderful, but—even if you know it will end eventually and think you’re prepared for that—breakups hurt like hell.
4.  Even if you don’t care about appearance, chopping off all your hair seriously changes your life—for the better, in my case.
5.  Just be nice. Be nice to everybody. A friend can be found in anyone, even the people you least expect.
6. Don’t be lazy (still working on that one). I always feel better on days when I make myself do something that I should do.
7. Addicts are just like anybody else. They don’t want to be addicted, and they need help just like any other sick person.
8. I’m VERY fortunate.
9. God answers. My boyfriend was an answer to a prayer. Knowing when to leave was an answer to prayer. I got accepted into the school that I prayed to get into even after I realized it wasn’t for me. And the list goes on.
10. Try new things. Writer’s camp in particular proves this point best.
11. Don’t feel bad for not doing something that would make you miserable—it’s okay to be an introvert.
12. I’m not too young to get published (thanks, Kate), just too lazy.
13. Be genuine. I’m always very honest and simple with my stage presence while performing, and I think people pick up on that and seem to enjoy it.
14. Spread love—not hate."

*I originally started this notebook for two purposes. 1, I thought something was wrong with me and wanted to write in it every day. I only did that for a week, though, and eventually gave up on that notion. And 2, to get practice writing because I wanted to start a blog. Some of the entries were even blog-style. And look where we are now—I’m doing it!

So there you have it. Since finishing this one, I’ve begun another journal but am keeping it less strict—not limiting it to “journal entries.” I usually start new notebooks before finishing an old one, and then they just pile up as I switch back and forth between writing in them. Honestly, that can get a bit overwhelming, and flipping through them kept me stuck on old ideas.

Working through one—functionally, and not just a journal—is helping me to be more prolific. It also helps that I’m excited about the feeling I’ll get when I’m finished and will have another full book. As I’ve said before, just getting words and ideas onto paper is half of the battle with writing, and often one of the hardest parts. So, in some ways, being excited over filling a notebook or journal can be very helpful and I definitely recommend trying to anyone interested.

I've been trying my hand at lettering lately

“If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.”― Margaret Atwood

As always, feel free to start up a conversation in the comments with any questions, similar stories, or a simple hello!

New Year Positive Affirmations (What Are They? + Examples)

Affirmations are positive sentences that we can think or say regularly to enhance our lives. SuccessConsciousness.com says that affirmations can inspire, motivate, and help people to reach their goals. For their full definition and some of their example affirmations in areas like success, happiness, health, and money, here is the article. Additionally, for those interested, I read an article on SelfGrowth.com that went more into detail about how positive affirmations can change your mindset, health, and life. Of course, I'm sure you can find a lot more with a simple Google search.

So what does this have to do with me? Recently, I took a creative communications class, and the last assignment we had was to write affirmations for the New Year. We recited them, shared them with each other, wrote them on kites--it was a good time. I really enjoyed it and hope that you guys will, too.

These are the ones that I wrote:

• I am not separate from this world, but a part of it.
• I cannot control others, but I can control myself and choose peace.
• I will accept and soak in my surroundings—rather than being quick to judge.
• I am working to improve myself and become who I want to be.
• I am eliminating things that are unnecessary, both materially and mentally.
• I am not letting fear hold me back from things that I want to do.
• Problems and mistakes are only momentary, and will pass. I will continue on.
• Even though I stumble, I am becoming more independent and I am growing.
• I am excited for my future because it is mine to create.

Here are some from my friend Michael Kozuch that I really liked as well:

• I have worked too hard to give up now.
• What I do now will affect my future.
• Those who are talented and don’t work are lazy. Those who work to become talented are inspiring. I can be inspiring.

It may seem a little silly to repeat things like these every day, but what can it hurt to add a little more positivity to your routine? Either way, I had a lot of fun writing these, and I think it's really good to think about the basics of what you want in life and what you might need to work on.

Have any affirmations of your own? Are there any that you've heard or read that really opened your eyes or that you thought were awesome? Don't be shy to let me know in the comments! (Seriously, I love this stuff!)

“We can choose to throw stones, to stumble on them, to climb over them, or to build with them.” ― William Arthur Ward