10 Things I'd Say to Myself Before Going to College (After Finishing Freshman Year)

I don't want this to become a blog about me living at college, but at this point a post here and there is inevitable. I even live here over the summer. It's basically my life now.

Anyway, now that I've finished my first year, there are some things I would definitely tell my freshly-graduated self last summer.

1. Spend more time with your friends before you leave for college.
2. But, don’t worry about the people you wished you would have become friends with when you were at school. Don’t try to salvage anything. The drifting apart is inevitable, and you’re going to meet new amazing people. It’s okay.
3. The tattoo is going to hurt, but you get used to it. Don’t be scared.
4. Look for scholarships and actually apply! Making a list of scholarships that you are eligible for and then never going through with it is not enough!
5. Write, practice, and perform as much as you can. You’re not going to have as much free time as you anticipate, and you’re going to miss it. A lot.
6. Harvest what you can from missing him, as far as for writing and music, but seriously, you’re done. Every thought of “but maybe we can try again” is a lie. You left for a reason.
7. You find someone new in the summer anyway.
8. Appreciate being in the worship team at church. You’re going to miss it.
9. Don’t be afraid of college. You make friends—really good ones—and the classes are really interesting.
10. I know I can’t stop you, because even when you know better you still do it, but I have to at least try to tell you not to procrastinate. It’ll kill you.

When I read back through this, everything has the same message ringing behind it: don’t wait. Don’t wait to hang out with the friends you love. Don’t wait to move on. Don’t wait to seek opportunities. Don’t wait to chase the person you want to be. Don’t wait to pursue what you love and to pursue happiness. But also, don’t be afraid to take your time and enjoy everything around you while it’s still there. There is a fine balance between seizing the day and rushing past your life.

"The devil's greatest weapon is not convincing us there is no God, but that we have plenty of time." —C. S. Lewis

So You Want a Lip Piercing?

BEFORE I START, I am not a professional, and pain varies for everyone. I’ve heard people say different things about piercings, and how I reacted and felt may not be the same as how someone else reacts. Also, I got my lower lip pierced on the left side. I'm not sure how the upper lip may vary in healing and such, but I imagine it's at least similar. The advice here is a culmination of my own experience, a little bit of research, and binge-watching piercing-related YouTube videos. It’s what worked for me. Ask your piercer if you have any questions. He or she will know best. Good? Good.

In December, I turned eighteen and finally got it done: the happy stabbing I’d been dreaming of. Since I researched the heck out of lip piercings before I got it done, I decided to add my own anecdote for all the people wondering what does it feel like!?!?!?!?

First and what you’re all probably wondering, no, it didn’t hurt. Yes, really. To be truthful, I couldn’t really feel it going in. I could feel a little bit of something going on in there, but no real pain or pinching feeling.

After the initial piercing, it was slightly sore, like a mild bruise. Lightly touching it wouldn’t really bother it. Yes, I know, don’t touch new piercings. But come on! I had to at least once (and you will too if you get a new addition in your face). It was swollen after getting it done, but as I have a fairly full lower lip, it wasn’t very noticeable. The next day the swelling went down, but would come back if I talked a lot or when I ate. It wasn’t a nuisance and really wasn’t painful. There was a very small bruise around the piercing hole for about a day or two after getting it, but it was covered by the ball on the end of the stud anyway.

Before

As I said, I did a ton of research before I got my lip pierced. I even did a ton of research before getting my ears pierced, which was only a couple of months before my lip. You should do the same. Know the commitment you’ll need for aftercare, think about how often that area of your face might get bumped (I don’t know why it would, but just in case), and know if you’ll have to take it out for work, school, or sports. It doesn’t end there. You should be researching a good place to get pierced if you’ve never gotten a piercing before or if you don’t have a regular shop that you go to and trust. When I got my ears pierced (yes, at a professional piercing and tattoo studio, not Claire’s or Piercing Pagoda because they are not professional piercers and piercing guns are not safe. Look it up if you don’t believe me), I had a good experience, liked the people, and had no trouble with the piercings. Additionally, I’ve had numerous people tell me of the friendly staff there and recommend it for piercings and tattoos, so I felt really comfortable there. Make sure you know the place. If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t go through with it; you can always get it somewhere else.

Also, make sure you want it. A piercing isn’t permanent like a tattoo—assuming it was healthy and healed properly, the remaining scar if you take it out should be minimal and discreet. However, you probably don’t want to get stabbed in your face and pay a lot of money for something you decide a day later doesn’t look good on you. In the months leading up to getting pierced I wore a fake lip ring around the house to make sure I was ok with something always being there and that I liked the look. And I took plenty of selfies. Because, why not? Of course, you don’t have to do that, but it’s not a bad idea if you’re unsure.

During

You will be nervous. Even though I’ve wanted this for years, I almost backed out. My friend had to remind me that I’d be pretty mad at myself if I came all the way out to the shop just to look at the front entrance and turn back. She was right. But, as much as I or anyone else tells you to calm down, you probably won’t unless you’ve already had a piercing before. But try to. It only takes seconds.

After paying and signing myself off to be pierced, I and my friend (for support, you know) were led back to one of the piercing rooms. My piercer wiped off my lip with an alcohol swab (or something of that nature) and marked my lip. After looking in a mirror and being surprised that the placement was perfect on the first try, I told her it looked good. If you don’t like the mark, say something. You’re not being picky or annoying. It’s your body, and a dot is a lot easier to move than a piercing. I laid back in the chair that bore a little resemblance to the shape of a dentist’s chair, but simpler, and, well, not at a dentist’s office. Piercing forceps held my lip in place, a hollow needle passed through, and the labret followed in its wake. There are plenty of videos on YouTube you can watch of people getting pierced, so if any of that sounded strange or confusing, go there. Just don’t watch the ones with titles like “LIP PIERCING GONE WRONG” or something like that. It’s probably click-bait, a sketchy piercer, or a home piercing. 

This was taken in GameStop about a half hour after getting pierced. The swelling is barely noticeable, and if you zoom in, you can kind of see the tiny bruise around the piercing hole. (Don't mind the bags under my eyes.)

Then I proceeded to stay in the chair for about ten or fifteen more minutes because even though I was fine, my body feels the need to almost pass out whenever a needle is going through me. No, I didn’t pass out, and it wasn’t because it hurt. It just happens. I have no idea why. If you’re like that, no worries. Make sure to eat a good meal before you go, and really try to stay calm and breathe and all that happy stuff. There was actually a guy in training who watched me get pierced, and he chilled with me and my friend, talked about music, and even gave me a free soda.

After

After my piercing, I could feel that it was a little swollen. Other than that, not a lot of pain. I ate fine, although I did try to mainly use the other side of my mouth for the first few days. After eating, you will need to use mouthwash. It’s a little annoying to do after every meal, but it’s less annoying than infection. You will also need to clean the outside fairly regularly with a saltwater solution of some sort. I use H2Ocean, a spray solution that is sold at the shop I was pierced at. It’s also at Hot Topic, Spencer’s, and can be purchased online. Personally, I love how easy and convenient it is to use and never had a reason to use anything else. Your piercer will tell you how often your lip should be cleaned, and you can find better articles than this for a more detailed overview of aftercare in case you forget. I remember I used the spray about 4 or 5 times a day in the first two weeks, then slowly went down to 2 or 3 times, and so on. Your lip should feel fairly normal after three weeks or so, but you should wait at least a month or two before switching out the jewelry. While it is good to wait a long time before switching it out, make sure you don’t keep it in for a terribly long time (you know, like 6 months or something) because the initial jewelry will be bigger to accommodate for swelling. Once your lip is healed and isn’t swelling anymore, the jewelry will be annoying and is more likely to cause damage to your mouth via biting on it and chipping a tooth or having it rub against your gums and cause recession.

Here you can see how far the bar poked out from my lip.

Gum Recession!?

Yes, it can happen. However, with variables like placement, materials, and what type of jewelry is worn, recession can be avoided. First way to avoid it: wear jewelry that fits! If your labret bar is super long, it’s more likely to rub against your gums. The placement of your piercing will also play a role. For example, my power lip is full, my top teeth are big, and somehow when my mouth is closed, my bottom lip actually reaches up to the top of my upper teeth. I don’t know if that’s common, but in my case, it means that a piercing just under my lip line isn’t going to rest against my gums at all, but my teeth. That’s probably not great for me, either, but it’s better than gums. Secondly, after switching from a labret post to a ring, the piercing doesn’t touch my teeth at all. It fits flush around my lip, and simply doesn’t reach back there. The materials you wear can also help to prevent recession. After letting your lip heal with the long bar, which should be implant-grade surgical steel from your piercer, consider trying out labrets with plastic backings. Be cautious, however, to make sure that your piercing is fully healed and that the material you’re switching to is safe. Do your research. I’ll say it again. Do. Your. Research. It’s your body. Don’t mess it up or compromise.

Other FAQs

Food does not get stuck in it. Drinks do not leak out of it (including soup, which I rarely eat, anyway).

It doesn’t affect the way I talk or sing.

I only accidentally bit the longer bar 2 or 3 times. It really hurt.

I got it snagged while changing my shirt maybe twice. Again, not a fun situation.

Once again, I'll remind you guys that your experience may differ from mine, and to consult a professional piercer if you have any major questions. Speaking of which, Are there any last questions you have for me? Do any of you have your lip pierced, and was it similar to my story or different? Feel free to let me know in the comments! 

“If you’re always trying to be normal, you’ll never know how amazing you can be.” –Maya Angelou

Overcoming Writer's Block + 9 Starting Points for the Uninspired Writer

Recently, I've been hit with a bad case of writer’s block. No inspiration. Incredibly frustrating. To help out anyone else who is in the same stagnant boat as me, here are some bits of advice that help me when my ideas seem to be empty.

Write!

This sounds contradictory, because, well, if you had something to write, you wouldn’t have writer’s block, would you? Get your thoughts out of your way, and push aside the idea that you have nothing to say.  Write random thoughts. Write a journal entry for the day. Write nonsense. This will get you thinking in the right frame of mind. My art teacher told our class that she always doodles and experiments with the material she's about to use before going to the actual piece she wants to do. I think this is very applicable to any creative practice. Doodle with your words before getting into anything. Following where your “doodles” lead may take you to a useful idea.

You want to get distracted with your ideas, but not by your surroundings. Let writing lead you, and follow it. Whatever your mind wanders to is probably what needs to be written down. Just don't get distracted by people or technology.

“But I still can’t think of anything.”

(It’s okay; neither can I.)

When you really can’t think of anything to write, try one (or more) of these 9 starting points. Notice I called them starting points. If something you pick to write about reminds you of something else, use it. Don’t let yourself feel trapped. Writing is about freedom.

1.) A picture 

Honestly, I find this to be one of the most effective muses for me. Sometimes I’ll use a picture of my own, or I’ll find something cool and use it (paintings and other artwork definitely count, too!).

2.) Memory 

Narrate what happened. Why did it happen? What did you learn? You can make it as serious or comical as you want. You’re a writer—you can even make it as truthful or exaggerated as you want (although I’d recommend changing names if you choose to embellish your story).

3.) Response to another piece of writing

Just pick something—a poem, a story, a song lyric, anything—then respond with your own piece. This works well with poetry for me, but it can also be great for essays. In fictional writing, maybe try writing an alternate ending or a twist on something instead of a response. That can at least get your writing skills warmed up and awake.

4.) POV of another character

This can be a person in your life, a person you make up, or another fictional character. You can write from this perspective in any format. Options are limitless. This will get you outside of the ideas you normally have, expanding your possibilities, and challenging you.

5.) POV of an object

This is definitely a more creative approach. Much like using the point of view of another person, this will challenge you to think differently about situations and scenes that you may be working on.

6.) Objects in general

Last summer I went to a writing camp/seminar where every day, the woman leading it would place an object on the table and say, “write.” She used everything from plants and rocks to buttons and dried up pasta. Let the object inspire you. What does it make you think of? There's no need to stay focused on the object. Just allow it to be your starting point.

7.) Word

Similar to the object method, pick a random word out of the dictionary and use it. Maybe you challenge yourself to actually use it in what you're writing, or maybe you use it as a starting point. Be creative.

8.) Music

Don’t let yourself get distracted with this one. Just pick a song—doesn't matter if it has words—and use it. How does it make you feel? You can write simply based off of the mood of the song, or think of the song as a soundtrack and write the corresponding scene.

9.) Outside or different location

If you have a place where you always write, try changing it up. Nature can be very motivational and relaxing, but something as easy as changing the room you write in can have an effect on your thoughts.

Professional Advice

Maybe you’re aware of this if you know me in real life, but if you don’t, two of my favorite people alive are J.K. Rowling and Ed Sheeran. As a writer, I often come back to the points made in these quotes.

“Be ruthless about protecting writing days, i.e., do not cave in to endless requests to have "essential" and "long overdue" meetings on those days. The funny thing is that, although writing has been my actual job for several years now, I still seem to have to fight for time in which to do it. Some people do not seem to grasp that I still have to sit down in peace and write the books, apparently believing that they pop up like mushrooms without my connivance. I must therefore guard the time allotted to writing as a Hungarian Horntail guards its firstborn egg.” –J.K. Rowling 

“I think if you view it [writing] as a dirty tap and you switch the tap on, it’s gonna flow shit water out for a substantial amount of time, and then clean water’s gonna start flowing. And now and then you’ll get a bit of shit, but as long as it gets out of you it’s fine. So with songs, you’re gonna write shit songs in the beginning. You are. My songs were terrible. (…) But, I got it out of me, and the more and more you write, the more and more you experience, and then you start flowing clean water, and songs start getting better and better and better.” –Ed Sheeran (I remembered he said that in this video, and had to include it in this post.)

Lastly, don’t have any expectations. If you sit down hoping to write something very specific, you will more than likely want to stab your eyes out with your pen after trying to craft the perfect whatever it was that you had in mind. I'd recommend not to even plan on a certain format—you could end up with a poem, story, flash-fiction piece, it's unknown. When you sit down for a first draft or a brain storm, let your thoughts be free instead of bounding them to one idea.

"I write only because

There is a voice within me

That will not be still."

 —Sylvia Plath

Have any additional tips for writer's block? Let me know in the comments! What was your favorite starting point or piece of advice?

Open Mics Are Awesome! ...and Dying?

As you may know, I’ve been performing for a few years, and I would not be able to do any of it without open mics. For those who don’t know, open mics are events held at bars, coffee shops, etc., and are hosted by an individual or band. The host brings a sound system, and anyone can come up and play. Usually individuals will come with their acoustic guitars and sing. You can go by yourself, as a duo, or a band, it doesn’t matter. Some open mics are acoustic, and some may have a full band set up. Some may even have a band backing up all the acts that play that night. A lot of open mics run on some kind of schedule, either once a week, every other week, or monthly. There are no requirements to participating, and no need to call ahead or anything. You just walk in and sign up (most places will have a sign-up sheet). It’s pretty awesome.

               Like I said, I wouldn’t be anywhere without open mics. This is for two reasons: confidence and connections. Open mics are very informal. You don’t have to be great. They can be a place to try out new songs and experiment. They’re wonderful for getting used to playing in front of people because it’s not your event and you’re only up for a few songs instead of a whole set. People may even ask to play with you if they like you or know the song you’re playing. My advice: let them. It may not be good, but so what? It’s open mic. It may be really good and really fun. At least you’ll have the experience of playing or jamming out with others, which is almost always great. Another reason to go to open mics is the people you meet. Other musicians can give advice, can inspire you with their style, and they can tell you about the places where they perform. Almost every gig I’ve ever done has been at a place recommended by someone at an open mic. You may even find potential band mates.

               Walking into that bar or coffee house for the first time can be scary. Sometimes it seems like a clique has formed between all the musicians there, but that’s only because of people who attend regularly. I’ve always had very welcoming experiences at open mics. People love when somebody new comes. You will make the host(s)’s day! Also, don’t be afraid to talk to people. Conversations can easily be started by complimenting how they performed or their song choices. You’re both at an open mic; you must have something in common, right?

               Open mics aren’t just playing, they’re also watching. You’ll probably be surprised at just how good some of the people are going to be. Even if you don’t play, you can go to place that’s having open mic night and watch. Open mics have no extra charge—it’s free entertainment. Just look up online open mics in your area or ask any friends who might know of some. There is usually an “event” made on Facebook for open mics, so you’ll probably be able to see who’s running it and what it’s like.

               Even though open mics are SO AWESOME, they seem to be dying out (at least in my area). People aren’t out as much anymore, and a lot of people who come to the open mics are older adults. Of course, they’re still super friendly and extremely talented, but where is the younger generation? Like I said earlier, people love to see new faces, and they especially love to see young people come and enjoy the events, too. As a teenager myself, I would highly recommend going to open mics to people of any age.

               Open mics are wonderful events that can help build your confidence and get you in touch with the other musicians in your area, but they can only happen if people show up.

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” –Andre Gide

P.S. Guess who's starting up a YouTube channel? (It's me)

Why I Don't Have Stage Fright When I Perform

I’ve been performing solo for about three years in settings like bars, restaurants, talent shows, and other local places. Sometimes people ask me how I’m able to play in front of an audience. “I could never do that,” is a common remark that I get. When I first began to play publicly, I had no confidence in what I was doing, but now I’m more comfortable behind a microphone and guitar in hand than I am anywhere else.

Starting Off With Some Wise Words

               Toward the end of eighth grade I started taking guitar and vocal lessons from the teacher I currently have now, who is in a band herself. She always encourages her students to perform (it really does make you better). So, sure enough, within a few months she had brought me out to one of her events to do a few songs. I was terrified, but I did it. Then, I participated in front of my whole middle school for the talent show. No other performance has ever filled me with more fear than that one. I didn’t even really want to do it. But, bless our choir director—he told all of us who signed up something I’ll never forget. To put this in context, there was an evening performance that students and adults could come to, then there was another performance the next day at school during an assembly/pep rally. Some of us were comfortable enough for the evening show, but afraid to go out in front of our peers. Before the evening show, he said, “I know some of you asked if you have to go tomorrow. The answer is no, but I’m just saying, if you’re nervous about performing in front of everyone tomorrow, or afraid, and decide not to go, that’s losing the battle without even putting up a fight. If you choose not to go tomorrow, you’re putting up your white flag, and they’ve already won.” He continued on with more pep-talk encouragement about our passions that I can’t recall verbatim. His words gave me the confidence to go on stage the next day, which is really the hardest part.

Ways to Overcome Stage Fright (What I Did)

               The most effective cure for a fear is simply to face it. I know it’s cliché, and surely isn’t easy sometimes. When I am afraid about a certain song or certain person in the audience that I know, the fear always leaves once the song begins. Starting is often the hardest and scariest part. Once I’m playing, I’m focused on the notes, keeping a consistent beat, and all of the emotions the song makes me feel. It’s almost impossible to be afraid during those three to five minutes, trust me—especially if it’s well-rehearsed.

              

               The second most valuable way to overcome your fear, after facing it, is to face it often. I’d say that the main reason I’m so comfortable during gigs is that I’m so used to it. I’ve done it so much that it doesn’t even phase me. If you’re doing what you love, eventually you will find this, too. Music is my passion, and, after the initial fear of performance, it’s just natural for me to do and to share with others.

               The last bit of advice that I have is that nobody cares. Of course I mess up—I do it every time I play somewhere. I’ll play the wrong chord, sing the wrong verse, forget to take a breath when I need to, or even sometimes forget some of the words.  Over the course of two hours of playing, it’s almost inevitable. That’s the thing: nobody is going to focus on the few seconds that I messed up out of an entire two-hour set. I know that not everyone is playing or singing for such a long period of time, though. Last year, I took a voice class at school where we had to sing a solo (without my precious guitar as my shield) about once every week. We even had to hear thoughts and critiques from our classmates on the spot right afterwards. It was definitely out of my comfort zone, but I wasn’t scared. After watching everyone else in the class do their pieces, I realized that I could barely remember how everyone did at the end of class. Sure, the people who blew me away (because of how good they were) stuck out a bit more, but I didn’t even think about any of the performances once they were over. I didn’t instantly remember how well or how badly someone did the next time we were together, and didn’t associate any performances with what I thought about those people. So, why would anyone else? Honestly, the truth is, a bad performance isn’t very interesting, anyway, so don’t worry about people thinking too much of it even if you do have one.

Messing Up

               When you do mess up (yes, everyone does), the best thing to do is keep going. Don’t quickly play that measure or note over again just to get it right. Keep going as if it never happened. This looks much more professional, and usually people won’t even notice you messed up if you don’t show it. It also won’t affect the timing of anyone else who may be playing with you. If you forget the words, sing the words that you do know. For example, if you forget the second verse of a song, sing the first verse again in its place (assuming it musically fits), then jump back in with what you do remember. If you’re in an informal setting and can play and sing at the same time, make a joke or something about forgetting the words while playing through that part, and go back into what you remember. If none of these are an option, just act as if there’s a break in there and you’re intentionally not coming in yet, instead of turning into a deer in the headlights.

Even if you truly don’t yet have confidence in what you do, fake it while playing. A song will always sound better when performed with confidence than when performed anxiously or quietly.

“No one is you, and that is your power.” –Dave Grohl

Do you perform or have experience with stage fright? What are some other tips or stories that you have? Let me know in the comments!