Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts

Friday, June 29, 2018

10 Things I'd Say to Myself Before Going to College (After Finishing Freshman Year)

I don't want this to become a blog about me living at college, but at this point a post here and there is inevitable. I even live here over the summer. It's basically my life now.

Anyway, now that I've finished my first year, there are some things I would definitely tell my freshly-graduated self last summer.

  1. Spend more time with your friends before you leave for college.
  2. But, don’t worry about the people you wished you would have become friends with when you were at school. Don’t try to salvage anything. The drifting apart is inevitable, and you’re going to meet new amazing people. It’s okay.
  3. The tattoo is going to hurt, but you get used to it. Don’t be scared.
  4. Look for scholarships and actually apply! Making a list of scholarships that you are eligible for and then never going through with it is not enough!
  5. Write, practice, and perform as much as you can. You’re not going to have as much free time as you anticipate, and you’re going to miss it. A lot.
  6. Harvest what you can from missing him, as far as for writing and music, but seriously, you’re done. Every thought of “but maybe we can try again” is a lie. You left for a reason.
  7. You find someone new in the summer anyway.
  8. Appreciate being in the worship team at church. You’re going to miss it.
  9. Don’t be afraid of college. You make friends—really good ones—and the classes are really interesting.
  10. I know I can’t stop you, because even when you know better you still do it, but I have to at least try to tell you not to procrastinate. It’ll kill you.


When I read back through this, everything has the same message ringing behind it: don’t wait. Don’t wait to hang out with the friends you love. Don’t wait to move on. Don’t wait to seek opportunities. Don’t wait to chase the person you want to be. Don’t wait to pursue what you love and to pursue happiness. But also, don’t be afraid to take your time and enjoy everything around you while it’s still there. There is a fine balance between seizing the day and rushing past your life.


"The devil's greatest weapon is not convincing us there is no God, but that we have plenty of time." —C. S. Lewis

Friday, November 3, 2017

The Inktober Finale

So, remember my post about Inktober? My rules for myself were to start something new every day. I also hoped to share what I did, but being that I was trying to start things, I am left with a lot of unfinished work. This is by no means a negative thing, but it means that I don’t have too much share-worthy content.

Did I do it every day? Mostly.
On days that I didn’t get to engage in a creative activity, I made sure that it all amounted back up to the day of the month eventually (17 new pieces by the 17th, 20 by the 20th, etc.).

Difficulty
In part, I was ambitious in thinking that I’d be posting a lot more, but I did also expect this to be challenging. By only needing to start something, this was a good challenge. It forced me to be creative every day, even if it was only for a few minutes. Challenges like this always remind me that I am able to make time when I initially think I don’t have any. I still (for the most part) found a way to get all of my work done even when I thought I couldn’t—even when I did my “Inktober activity” first and wasn’t sure how much time I’d have left for my schoolwork.

Experience
I really enjoyed this “challenge.” Starting new things got me out of old headspaces. It also prevented me from being “stuck.” I didn’t have to worry about where a piece would be going or how to improve upon it because every day I was starting something new. I did go back and edit, continue, and polish some of the things I wrote, though. That’s one of the purposes of this challenge. Not everything we create will be great, and that’s why it’s necessary to write down every new idea. Some will continue to grow and blossom, and some won’t.

This also forced me to think of new ideas even when I didn’t feel inspired. I’m in a writing club at my college, and one night we did 5 minute prompts. Someone wrote a sentence in the board and we had to use it to inspire a piece of fiction—and we had five minutes to write what we could. This activity helped to propel me into the Inktober challenge because I didn’t like all of the prompts, but I was still able to write from them. Sometimes when I am searching for something to write about, I’m very picky with what prompts I select. This defeats the purpose of prompts in the first place. If I had something to write about, I wouldn’t be looking for them. I don’t think that we are supposed to like every prompt because we use them to help us to explore into different subjects. I often feel like I write about the same things, and when I’m being extremely selective about prompts, I’m not helping myself out.

Do I Recommend?
Yes! This was a very fun and low-stress challenge. By only needing to start something, I was freed from feeling the need to produce something “good” every time. We all know that while we want to write well, the expectations to actually do it are often what limit us and keep us from doing our best work. Plus, after creating something new every day for a month, I now have tons of new material to build upon and work with.

What did I actually do?
Good question.
3 Drawings: the finished one that I posted with “The Wind”

October 2nd. This one is rather silly and in response to "draw something melting."
I don't remember the date of this one, but this is only the start of something that I plan to finish with pen and ink.

4 Blog Posts and 1 YouTube Video: I counted these to actually motivate me to post, which I haven’t done since moving to school.

1 Original Song: hopefully to be finalized and posted? We shall see :)

1 Response to a Memoir Prompt

6 Poem/beginnings/first drafts of them (finished pieces that I post from Inktober will be hyperlinked into this one should I post them in the future)

11 Journal Entries: By this, I do not necessarily mean “this is what I did today.” Most of what I write in my notebook are musings on different ideas and occasionally are recounts and reflections on particularly interesting events.

4 Fiction Beginnings/Attempts

Some excerpts that are by no means final products at all:

This piece started out as a poem then became the beginnings of a story?
October 25th
She wanted to stop the sun from going down. As pools of water formed around her feet on the sidewalk squares, she looked for a rainbow. She would run until she found it. She tried to taste the clouds, light and fluffy as candy—as dreams in your head before you come to realize that you’re dreaming. Every night she whispered to the moon and embraced the stars. She kept lightning bolts in jars and ice at her fingertips.
I saw her once, and the spell got me. I’m not sure if she cast it on purpose or not. She said that she saw no more light in people or things. She held fast to the songs in the wind and listened to their teachings. When I asked her to share, to show me, her eyes looked at me with pity.
“Maybe someday. But you don’t want to bother. I have already left this world.”
She noticed my confusion, and it seemed to solidify her statement.
“You’re not ready.”
The air seemed to move with her instead of around her. It was as if reality itself was having a conversation with her. And yet, no one else seemed to notice.
“How will I be ready?”
She stopped. “Catch.”
From nowhere, a white ball flew toward me. I held my hands out and felt snow somehow turn to a pile of white flower petals in my palms. I cradled them in my hands and looked up at her surprised face.
“Maybe you are.”

I still really like the format that I originally wrote it in. Maybe this will be one of those stories told in a more poetic, whimsical way.

October 23rd
what goes up must come down
I can try to escape, but the cold
feels even colder after taking refuge
sitting by the fire, sleeping peacefully,
drunk on blissful ignorance
like tomorrow won’t come
and by the time the light dies,
and the coals murmur their last breaths,
I wish for tomorrow to never come again

October 10th
how can I speak of the battles in my in my skin
when there are bodies strewn across front lines
real bodies, real brothers, sisters, sons and daughters
how can I speak of sexism here
when there are still oppressed women out there
raped, abused, beaten, whose lives are threatened
how can I worry about my weight
or indulge in dessert
when there are children whose skin
sticks to their bones like cling wrap
on my leftovers
how can I worry what to wear in the morning
when others worry if they’ll have anything to wear at all

And I’ll finish with something I wrote that reminded me of one of the many joys and wonders of writing:

October 7th
[…] As I bring myself to acknowledge my fear by writing about it, I feel myself understanding and letting go. I’m allowing myself to feel it and release it. How amazing. After all, as I write this, I do remember writing earlier about music being my calling, therefore I should not fear pursuing it. And I know that the people here—especially in the music department—are so full of love. They are not here to watch me struggle or to set me up to fail, but to help me. It’s crazy how easily I forget about that. People are not out to get me.

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you love. It will not lead you astray.”—Rumi


As always, thank you so very much for reading! I hope you were able to find something that made you think, made you smile, or inspired you to create your own works. Feel free to start a conversation in the comments! Did you try Inktober (or some other form of a “—tober” challenge)? Could you see yourself trying something like this in the future?

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Me (a poem)

Me

I think I’m falling in love

I’m growing to adore my silhouette
the shape of my closely-trimmed head
the shadow of my eyelashes on my pillow
that I see mid-blink

I’m beginning to dance to the sound
of my own heartbeat
tapping my toes, moving
to the groove of life

I don’t listen for yours anymore
I have my own rhythm to follow

I’m falling in love with silence and
with the whisper of my breath
light and precious
as the white wings of a moth

My near-transparent skin, soft as silk
and warm as an August afternoon
in my own hands—I am
my own heal-all

The webs you weave
they entrance me
intricately, yet messily designed
but they will not hold me

These pale, scarred and calloused,
frail but skilled hands
hold each other

This heart beats for itself, regardless
of whom it may ache for,
and my ears listen
in attentive endearment


~3/17/17



I've been in Ireland for the past two weeks, but I am back and hoping to post every week now (...instead of every month). Also note that the dates written under my poems are when I began working on them. I will probably be posting some that are older and have since been edited. As always, thank you for reading :)

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.” ― Aldous Huxley